I never thought I will come to this day when I will require something to hold on to. The ' human psyche' or precisely my psyche is wonderful thing. The more you play with it, the more dimensions it opens...and I for one keep doing that. But now it has affected me both physically and psychologically. The lust, desire, envy , pity all are gone...lost somewhere. They are deep inside...I can feel sometimes...but are too hard to access. I guess I will have to make a list of those inhibitions rotting deep in the bowels of my mind. But that's a story for some another time.it feels weird as still I don't understand a way to explain the stuff happening inside me..people just get away labelling me insane..though I have always preferred that.
I feel I am always disconnected from something...though I can never place what I am disconnected from. Anything and everything I do is for me to feel something inside...and that something increases every time. I have to do something more than the last time to feel again...or at least feel what I felt.
And now I am actually running out of things..or ways to make me feel...anything, may it be emotional, sexual , anger , pity , friendship or even courtesy..anything. so for each of the thing I don't feel I have to try something extreme to feel it.
This struggle to fill out the emptiness has been going on forever, but its now I felt I am exhausting all my options each time I try to feel. But what worries me is what will happen when I have exhausted all my options?!!?
Listening to : Morrowind OST (Nerevar Rising)
Watching: The Orphan
Playing: Risen 2: Dark Waters
Drinking : Coke