Friday, September 21, 2012

Loneliness…and intoxication.

Mood: Lonely

Listening to: Hear of Courage – Two steps from hell

Writing: The Plague and the Doctor

Playing: Borderlands (PC)

Watching: Sweeney Todd : Demon barber of fleet street

Drinking: Whiskey

Ok… am a little intoxicated, probably as usual..cause its the only way i can be myself…in the sense of being a bit more human and little less morbid. I am listening to Two steps from hell discographies and just instrumentals to get my head straight since last 3 hours and its already 2.00am. Though i admit i am tired, but i am not able to sleep.

You may have realized me tweeting all the time about some girl i like, some girl i hate and what not, But actually i don't know how to define it! I do fall for them…but now its mostly left as a mental  infatuation rather some physical attraction. If i enjoy talking with a girl, i most likely will fall for her, no matter her physical manifestation. and it bugs me! its getting too hard to blend with guys of my age…cause guys expect different things out of girls!

Obviously i wont be mentioning any names here..but people mostly understand if i am talking about them. truthfully i am never able to flirt with girls, as i have no sense of humour which i regret very very much. I still date never made any move on any girl cause frankly i don't understand their emotional needs to match up to their speed and depth and they do realize it, alienating me. its one thing i have always wondered, guys can never understand if i am faking appreciations, sadness, laughter…but girls seem to pick up on my tells. Mostly i have been saying ‘yes ‘ to any girl who asks me out…because i have this concept, which i think underlies everything. Consider you like someone..and you ask him/her out and she denies…you fell bad, broken. but if he/she accepts it..you feel something different..something like you have power to conquer this entire world.  no matter if the relationship is short, or maybe its just 2 dates…yet you don't feel as bad as you do if your crush just denies you the first time. That’s why i accept, cause if someone likes me…i might as well be making her day..by doing something good.

Since my mind is overflowing with things right now and i got no one to talk with…as i rarely talk with people.  Alcohol opens me up..but yet, i never let out any of my thoughts and opinions as society thinks them to be too much twisted and different than what everyone thinks to be normal! this has turned me into a liar…lying and pretending about things and stories just to look normal, so i can at least converse , without being the freak of my social circles.Even girls who do like me…start keeping their distance once they know  i write poetries, draw art and listen to classic rock, instrumentals and more of themes and pieces, its just not my thing to track each and every thing that goes in the current world! i keep a track of what is important like gadgets, OSes, scientific superiorities and advances, biology and biotechnology, forensics, psychological disorders, and epidemiology of bacteria and viruses.  is it that bad? cause most of the things i know no one is ever interested in. they only care about crappy movies, romantic bullshit and what’s happening in lives of celebrities, which frankly is pointless. this not only separates me as we have nothing in common, but also makes them feel weird talking with me.

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