Saturday, May 2, 2015 our busy lives.

There are many moments in our lives which we never relish until they are lost. Which make them memories. But what's the use of memories if only we are going to miss them...
Let me be selfish here for a moment. We are always chasing after a dream...or something...and we never stop. We are never satisfied. And in this hurry we forget one important chasing that dream...that we are growing up...we are growing older...and exhausting those few previous moments we have left on this earth to be human. And it all comes down to one and only one thing...Time. It is everything...and it defines what is happening. And I lost some of it today.

Permutation by nature

Its so funny when we look at the world around us....and how we try to control it...there are random things happening which define our lives. No matter how hard we try to avoid is bound to happen. It doesn't necessarily have to be with your girlfriend, siblings, friends or enemies. It can be anyone. You decide not to go out on a drinking date with buddies....yet u find yourself drunk next morning with a terrible hangover and a phone full of crazy pics. You decide to stay home and have a peaceful evening and it turns out u have important appointments. You decide after a heartbreak...not to fall in love or rather lust again...and yet u find an amazing girl you can't help stop spending time with.

It's as if the world is aligned to make things happen which you decide shouldn't happen. And the more you resist...they more they happen. Probably a coincidence or a permutation by nature itself.

The only solution I ever found out was 'to go with the flow' and 'expect the unexpected'. When you don't think too much about stuff....don't resist...and just go on living your life...the chips are sure to fall in the right place. And these are what made the taglines of my life and my relationship.

A way I guess nature..or god...or the god particle has devised our lives to tell us...don't loose hope. When u stop trying for something....that thing is bound to happen if it is decided. I don't think there is some higher power at work here. ..or a book of karma or fate. Its just a make our lives better.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Weekends and bookends...

Mood: lonely

Drinking: coffee

Listening : Shine on you crazy diamond - pink Floyd

Watching: edge of tomorrow

Reading: Salem's lot

Weekends usually give me a jittery feeling.  Initially I used to think probably because of my insecurities about people running away when I am not with them...but now I think it may be...or it may not be. Some scars may never heal...but we can learn to overlook them...and with time, forget them...unless someone decides to claw at them. But enough blabbering about random out of topic stuff.

Maybe my insecurity lies with something greater than just people. Its my own life which has been forked out in two different worlds. When I go away from my PG room over the weekends * probably fortnightly*  to visit my hometown...I feel as if I am entering to a different world where the time is different...I have people to take care of me...which is different than my usual solitary recluse self. Actually I loose my independence in a way of living my life. But its not bad....I just feel I don't belong there.

Which brings me to the bookends....or closures. I cannot rest easy unless I finish a book...and I cannot be at peace unless I find a closure *accept it... Partial things and knowledge are always dangerous and harmful*. And when I get free time on weekends I actually don't want to start anything...which I may not be able to complete....because I probably have too many things at my hand and over the week busy with work, I may never finish what I started. This leaves me bored and longing to return back to the place from where I came.

People also make it difficult. Whenever we add humans in the always gets complex. The people who stay with me all the time during the week...just disappear or ignore me over the week...*probably what I think in my head* and they think they are giving me space....which I am pretty sure I don't require. And there comes my insanity crashing down. Cause I am stuck in some void where I have nothing to do....and the one thing which pulls me back to the world I come from....ignores me.

Its funny how we can never understand time. The free time especially...which passes on...taking my bits of my patience with its every moment.

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