Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Emotionally Dead

The one thing i have noticed is i never feel happy nor sad for anyone..especially humans(not animals).I always wondered why? Many times i have seen people get hurt, accidents, children fallen down, bleeding and dying…i never felt bad or sad for them.Even at the other extremes if my friend wins a nobel prize..i wont feel happy..i mean i cannot express my feelings..nor do i know what to feel in such situations.I feel nothing in both conditions which keeps me aloof from society and human circles which i can never be a good part of..and have to survive blending in..

This is actually weird cause i never feel anything inside how much i try to…maybe that’s why i never celebrate anything…no birthdays, no accomplishments…nothing. Also stemming i never feel any competitive nor need for human touch…i am so obsessed in my own word and interests(which i am sure will freak you out) that i prefer to stay away from everyone who are interested in humour, respect and gossip.

I always kept guesssing this is the reason of my emotional detachment…except for my family and certain important people. And may be i am right what i guess..as most people i meet think i have zero emotional quotient…and always react in a certain aloof or weird non ethical manner.

But this has always had its cons..as many are scared of me, many think of me as a joke , weirdo or a freak.  on whom they can always hit on…but i let them..what is going to come out of it?? nothing. yeah maybe other girls and people might be impressed..and so what??..isn’t it the ritual of human nature..i.e. disrespecting others and increasing their own self confidence and respect to make a place for them in the society..and actually hitting on the misfits( who actually are much better people who are selfless but always end up getting bullied).

Call it a god complex or an illogically placed faith, a part of me tells me they will always be punished for their deeds. in the right way or not. But what do i care..right?

Still it has always left me wondering for my emotional detachment?…its not fear of loosing someone, or something important. may be its just because of my uncanny sense of feeling people just by looking at their faces which makes me realize the murkiest depths of human minds, and what darkness it holds…compared to our other brethren (animals), who are clean and innocent. May be that makes me feel less  for humans…and their selfish natures.

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